Dear Blog Readers,
The past week has been a very difficult and extremely busy time for our family. For us this was also a time of great mourning. As you are aware there have been no blog postings for a few days, as we all prepared for and participated in my father’s funeral. Each time I went to do a post, I found it hard muster the inspiration and focus that a good blog demands. However, as my Pop taught me, “Life goes on”. And it does. It must. And so will the blog. I have many topics to write on and many things to share. Details about Pop’s funeral and this past weekend. Things about people, occurrences, and conversations. Things about my father, his dreadful illness, and his views on life. Pictures, pictures, pictures! (Pop loved posting pictures on the blog, and I have been remiss as of late in that respect). And ongoing information and observations about the South Channel, the purpose of this blog in the first place.
With copious amount of love and support from family, friends, clergy, and caring and assistance from other folks like Bill Bishop, the funeral director from Bishop and Johnson Funeral Home, and the bagpipers who played at the funeral, our family made it through this tough chapter of life in grand fashion. My Pop would be proud. In fact, my Pop IS proud. However, I know there are still many difficult times ahead of us, as well as many good ones, and I hope to be prepared for whatever the future may hold.
The past week has been a very difficult and extremely busy time for our family. For us this was also a time of great mourning. As you are aware there have been no blog postings for a few days, as we all prepared for and participated in my father’s funeral. Each time I went to do a post, I found it hard muster the inspiration and focus that a good blog demands. However, as my Pop taught me, “Life goes on”. And it does. It must. And so will the blog. I have many topics to write on and many things to share. Details about Pop’s funeral and this past weekend. Things about people, occurrences, and conversations. Things about my father, his dreadful illness, and his views on life. Pictures, pictures, pictures! (Pop loved posting pictures on the blog, and I have been remiss as of late in that respect). And ongoing information and observations about the South Channel, the purpose of this blog in the first place.
With copious amount of love and support from family, friends, clergy, and caring and assistance from other folks like Bill Bishop, the funeral director from Bishop and Johnson Funeral Home, and the bagpipers who played at the funeral, our family made it through this tough chapter of life in grand fashion. My Pop would be proud. In fact, my Pop IS proud. However, I know there are still many difficult times ahead of us, as well as many good ones, and I hope to be prepared for whatever the future may hold.
2 Comments:
At Mon Jul 17, 07:37:21 PM, Greg said…
Lance, Johanna, and Mrs. Topping:
I am so sorry for your loss. I really liked and respected Mr. Topping - not always for what he said, but for what he didn't say as well. His presentation to me was of a strong and reserved but thoughtful man. I don't mean that he came across as shy or reticent, but my impression was of a man that thought about what he was going to say and didn't waste or speak many words that he later reversed or needed to regret.
As I said in an earlier post, my father passed away in the beginning of my childhood, thus most of my fathering skills were inculcated by observing other fathers. Mr. Topping's style was neither overly labile nor emotionally constrictive. I saw a man who unobtrusively monitored and protected his children while giving them leeway to explore and learn from their decisions. He was neither capricious nor unfair.
If describing my impression in a medical chart I would write "Affable engineer." Most of us know engineers to be impartial, evidence based reasoners so that that word describes more than just his profession.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described 5 distinct and often overlapping stages of grieving that people tend to go through. Grieving, like love seems to be a common human experience that people rather predictably experience. You know how to reach me, and I want to emphasize that the door is ALWAYS open. We are family. I grew up with you: we are Episcopalians, Hornellians, and fellow travelers on the journey of life. PLEASE pick up the phone anytime you just want to talk, or need or want for something I can help with.
At the end of this post is a link to a short page describing the universal human experience of grieving. It's worth a scan. Note that a U of R study a while back found that the average time for a griever to begin to feel reasonably normal again (acceptance stage) was about 3 years.
I don't know if I ever told you Mrs. Topping, but I love you. Your countenance was often a source of refuge for me in childhood. During my adolescent years, you accepted, and advised me, probably more because of your intrinsic nurturing instinct than any intentional effort. You were, and still are like a favorite aunt. I love your son, my brother too. - - no wait: I guess he would be my cousin then...
-----Greg
http://www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stages.htm
At Wed Jul 19, 07:37:14 AM, Anonymous said…
I can really relate to Greg's observations about grieving. Having lost each of my parents some years ago, in looking back on it now, 3 years sounds about right! In fact I barely remember the 6 months prior to each of their deaths. I was so busy trying to cope with loss, everthing else became secondary and apparently got lost in in the memory banks! The good news is there is light at the end of this tunnel. I've found losing a loved one changes each persons life irrevocably. It strengthens the heart, the spirit, and also gave me a better understanding of life and the people in this world. It is a very maturing process.
One other piece of advice that was given to me at the time of my parents deaths, and is worth sharing: given the emotional stages of grieving, it’s best not to make any major changes in your life for about a year, such as changing jobs, moving or selling your home, etc., because the decision may not be based on a rational thought process. I followed that advice and was glad of it. A friend of mine changed careers and moved to another city within a few months of her mothers death and now has regrets.
Although things have returned to 'normal' after a number of years, observing what the Topping family has been going through has brought my own experience right back up in full view, giving me an opportunity to re-kindle the memories of what my family faced at the time, and it's been a bittersweet experience. I'm not sorry for it at all because it's inspired me to reconnect with certain aspects of my life and the people in it. It also gives me a greater empathy for the Toppings and what they are going through.
Lance, I want to thank you for all the posting you’ve done on the Blog about your dad and what your family has been been experiencing. I know you were doing it primarily for your dad, but you’ve been able to record and capture events and articulate the emotions that many of us also have gone through, but haven’t been able to share. I wish Blog’s had been around when my parents passed away, because it may have helped us through the grieving process more easily. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make this passage.
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